Reality Bytes

Hello again friends, colleagues, people whom I’ve never met but like my writings, rants and pictures. As I’m coming to the end of this project, I’m going to try my hardest to finish, without coping out (but be prepared for a cop out).

The last year has been interesting to say the least. I’ve realized many things about myself and had a wealth of epiphanies (the weed helped a lot). I had a huge one not too long ago that, for me anyway, explains a lot of things.

For years now, I’ve been miserable, but I didn’t know why, nor did I bother pondering it. I took out my anger and frustration on the world around me and the people I held dear to me while still keeping an “I’m completely fine” front. In short…I hated what my life had become. The people in it where great (for the most part) but I was in a rut, and it was through no one’s fault but my own.

Let me explain. Up until a few years ago, I had no back bone. I did what others expected of me. I dated (or didn’t date) the girls everyone thought I should. I went into Engineering, and then Computer Science in University because I was a “smart kid” and that’s what smart kids do. I knew that I didn’t want to be that person, so I sabotaged my own life.

Yes, I’m aware how little sense that makes, and yes I know it was stupid, but that’s how I decided to rebel against the people I thought were my oppressors. I did the minimum amount to get by emotionally and professionally and kept myself in a place of sadness that I buried from my family and friends. I was a boy, leading a man’s life.

For lack of better terms, I was numb and broken. Something happened in my personal life that rocked me, left me shaken, battered and unwilling to move on. I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to try. I got over it enough to continue on my day-to-day life, but my emotional scars ran deeper than I would even know and I didn’t know how to deal with them.

But now, for the first time in a while, I’m truly happy. Going back to school is a lot of work, but I don’t regret a thing. I don’t dread getting out of bed and going to class, even on the days I get 3 hours of sleep. I feel like I have the right balance of the old me and the new me and I’m doing things because I want to do them.

I still have a lot of demons to face, and I’m sure a lot of tears to shed, but it’s been worth it. I don’t know what my future holds. All I know is that I’m going to strive for what I want in life and to bring the people I’ve pushed away as close to me as I possibly can. I’ll let fate fill in the holes from there.

So friends, my advice to you is: Do what you love and what makes you happy, fuck the rest.